Just a few marbles.. wanna help organize these?

This is my life, only I have never felt the ability to run it on my own. Right now I am struggling between school, family, jobs, love, and happiness. Basically the sad truth is that there is no way to have all of these lined up at my age.
In college, I am constantly picking and choosing- which always requires that something is left out. I like to say you have three choices: Eat, Sleep, or Work. Now pick two. This is the only way to get by. I am taking courses which I wish were easy but when you think about it- that is not the truth. y painting course over runs my life. And while I still have the best impersonations possible for my Montana man "straight forward" painting teacher- it doesn't help that every class he reminds me I'm "anal retentive." Aside that I ignore SOOO many sexual innuendos to try and remain appropriate.. my painting is slower than everyone else.
As for family, I wonder if it is possible to be able to change past the age of thirty. My mother and I have always had a bad relationship. I could say that I understand why this is, but my MANY extensive theories are all encouraged too strongly by my psych teachers to the point that I no longer have a solid base. My family is only the four of us, and I wish it was a supporting loving family, but my German/Jewish/Italian Mother will never be the "hold you in her arms as you cry" type. Instead choosing that while you cry she feels it is kindest to softly let you know every mistake you made and how she would have told me to fix it. It all comes down to my mom's dad dying when she was only fourteen and her mother (my grandmother) being a child still and acting more like a Pal to her older sister than a mother and ganging up on my mom. This pattern has continued.. but I sure will end it.
Jobs.. too sad. Have you ever just wished more than anything to be appreciated? But all they do is form social cliques and gang up against you for your weird quirks. If so welcome. I understand. My day dreaming, happy go lucky personality and ever love of exploring the new has left many calling me weird and those who do get to know me love me. It just means you have to get to know me.
As for love, I should not complain. i have an incredible boyfriend, who is my best friend. But at this point being my best friend has left us with no imagination. No spark. and Me feeling utterly like a disappointment. I feel like every time we are together we are still in Best Friend" mode.. I'm not sure about you but I have never wanted that while trying to have crazy sex?? I am the one person who hates that. I want something new.. something exciting.. and mostly something that pushes me the way I am craving. He is so gentle, so unsure. that I am left to no satisfaction except in one way. sixty nine. He has a huge Monster.. and I can't deep throat it all the way, but I don't want that.
Haven't you ever just wanted to be thrown down and made to feel wanted?? I don't feel that. i examine his body, and I know his lines. I feel like he looks at my face and only my face. and while that is great.. there are so many things that could turn me on.. and he really doesn't know any of them. I have given him every tool.. now all I want is something that I feel in response.
With no sex, comes great agitation. This agitation means building the emotions and trying to bottle them. But when someone knows you so well, all you feel like is an ass.
To be short. my night has been spent here in the library just going back and forth over this same cycle.. it is a pattern I will never understand but this is just my short version.. well I am off for the night... sleep well out there..